Dear Mama Drama:

I am trying to get my five-year-old son to be more independent in bathing and dressing himself. I have been working with him for the past two weeks on this and he still cannot do anything on his own. I am frustrated and he starts crying every time I tell him to do it on his own. I don’t understand why this is so hard or how to help him.

~Confused Mama

Dear Confused:

Building independent self-care skills for bathing, dressing, etc., is very important for five-year-olds. While as adults we view these skills as fairly basic, we have also been doing them for many, many years. Tasks that seem like one step for us, i.e. washing our hair, are really multiple steps. For your son to try to master all of these things in a short amount of time is probably quite overwhelming.

Rather than working on all independent self-help skills at once, I suggested stepping back and deciding what will be the easiest skill for him to master. Start with that skill so he can experience success quickly and build from there.

Break down the skill step by step and teach him in manageable chunks. For example, if you are teaching him to wash his hair the steps are 1) wet your hair, 2) get the shampoo bottle, 3) pour shampoo on your hand, 4) put the bottle down, 5) rub your hands together, 6) rub the shampoo all over your head/hair (this in and of itself requires lots of practice), 7) rinse the shampoo out of your hair.

Talk through the steps as you do them for him for a few days. Then talk through the steps as he does them himself. Use simple, concise language to describe each step. When he gets stuck or distracted, ask him, “What’s next?”

Making up a song or rhyme to describe the routine can make things more fun and easier to remember. Be sure to give your lots of positive recognition for his efforts throughout the process of learning. Focus on what he has done well and gently re-teach when he struggles.

Once he has master washing his hair move on to the next skill while continuing to encourage and reinforce the skill he has mastered. If he uses hair conditioner that is a perfect second skill because he already knows the steps with the shampoo!

Clear and simple directions will make a big difference for your son as he works master these self-help tasks. Using visual schedules to show the steps can be very helpful and allows you to support him without always telling him what to do. As you fade your verbal cues, you can have him use the visual schedule to see what comes next. Visual schedules can be used to describe a broad daily routine as well as to break down the steps of tasks within that routine.

Motherhood is an amazing journey that can have its share of Mama Drama. The Mama Drama column runs on Thursdays with everyday mothering questions from readers and answers providing strategies to tackle these daily challenges. Send your questions and challenges to Lisa@milehighmamas.com, and your Mama Drama could be in the next column! Lisa is also available for private consultations. All emails and identifying information will remain confidential. Read more of Lisa’s parenting perspective at her Laughing Yoga Mama blog.

(photo credit)

Dear Mama Drama:

I have three daughters ages 13, 11, and 8. They are all avid readers and generally read well above their age level. My eight year old wants to read whatever her sisters are reading, but as they get into their teens I am not always comfortable with the content.

When there is sexual content or violence, my eight-year-old is often confused, scared, and has had nightmares, especially after reading some of the vampire books.

The girls think it isn’t a big deal, but I do.  I am not sure how to handle this with them.

~ Raising Readers

Dear Raising:

Your concerns about your youngest daughter’s reading material are valid. The themes in books for teens and tweens focus on different experiences and thinking processes than books for younger children.

It can be difficult to find engaging books for advanced readers. I suggest working with your daughter’s teachers, the school or local librarian, or a clerk in the children’s section of a bookstore to find challenging yet age appropriate books. Searching the internet for age focused book lists can also be helpful, just be sure to read through the books first before you give them to your daughter.

You need to enlist your older daughters in supporting the limits you are setting on the books your youngest reads. Talk with them about your reasons and the impact you have observed reading these books has had on their sister. They don’t have to agree with you, but they do need to understand the influence they have on their sister. She looks up to them and wants to be as grown up as they are.

Find ways for the older girls to mentor and guide their sister. Have them make a list of the books they enjoyed when they were her age and share that with her. Encourage them to go to the library or bookstore to choose books together. With your girls being older you may not still read aloud at night. Consider reinstituting reading together as a family to bring these books to life.

With her sisters encouraging her to read age appropriate books, your eight-year-old will be less resistant to waiting for the right time to read their books.

Motherhood is an amazing journey that can have its share of Mama Drama. The Mama Drama column runs on Thursdays with everyday mothering questions from readers and answers providing strategies to tackle these daily challenges. Send your questions and challenges to Lisa@milehighmamas.com, and your Mama Drama could be in the next column! Lisa is also available for private consultations. All emails and identifying information will remain confidential. Read more of Lisa’s parenting perspective at her Laughing Yoga Mama blog.

(photo credit)

Before becoming a full-time at-home father I worked for 15 years designing training for Fortune 100 companies. I was never a power player mind you, just a lower level professional (functionary, really) that could be counted on to get the important tasks done right on projects the managing executives described as “enterprise flagship” or “mission critical.” Though I occasionally indulged myself with delusions of importance to these companies and their projects, I certainly never felt I was actually important. In fact, I never felt truly important until four years ago when I found myself unexpectedly out of a job and suddenly in full charge of the day-to-day care of our first child, only a year old at the time.

I had entered fatherhood itself with a great deal of reluctance and reservation, largely due to a family history fraught with biological and psychological pitfalls and problems. Provided that my son managed to avoid the genetic landmines I couldn’t help but bring to his creation, I now worried that he would have a 24/7 front row seat to the behavioral results of childhood trauma that two decades of therapy and medication had yet to substantially resolve. Worries or no, there was this little, wonderful life in front of me with wide, expectant eyes and a grand, joyous potential that needed love and care and that deserved a childhood full of good memories, experiences, and opportunities. After taking a deep cleansing breath and pulling myself up by my own mental bootstraps, I dove in.

Five years on I look back at those early days (months, years) and recount each moment via the boxes of science and art projects and somewhat meandering art collection now lining the walls of our dining room and the space above our kitchen cabinets. We added a daughter to our family just over two years after my transition to at-home fatherhood and she quickly became an integral part of the daily learning and play activities I would sketch out each night before bed. I was fortunate that my daughter came along when she did as it took every moment of those two plus years for me to begin processing the logistics and facets of my new identity.

Though being a teacher to my children came naturally and providing love, hugs, and support flowed easily from my nurturing nature, there was a substantial learning curve vis a vie diapers, dressing, shopping, traveling, playgrounds, and hypervigilance around dangers ranging from stairs to dust bunnies. Fortunately for me I had an extremely supportive wife and the help of a dedicated group of full-time fathers from the National At Home Dads Network (NAHDN), a non-profit organization dedicated to providing support, community, education, and advocacy for fathers who are the primary caregivers to their children.

In fact, one of the earliest examples of my wife’s support for my new life was to send me to the Annual At-Home Dads Convention sponsored by the NAHDN. There I found resources and camaraderie in constructing my new identity and new life focus.

Driving home from that convention I had a revelation. For 15 years I devoted endless hours towards the aforementioned high-profile and seemingly make-or-break projects in corporate America. The atmosphere around them was one of deep urgency and importance, but in every case not even two years after a project no one even remembered it. With my children every day was a building block towards a “project” that would not only be remembered but even cherished for 70, 80, or even 90 years!

I may not have found importance in my “career,” but I did find it in full-time fatherhood . . . as well as my first true and complete understanding of the words “exhaustion” and “joy.”

-Richard Blake

Prospective or practicing at-home father should check out the National At Home Dads Network, follow it on Twitter (#wedad), like it on Facebook, and even attend this year’s At Home Dad Convention in Denver (@huggiesdelivered; #AHDConvention).

“Are dads the new moms?” asked a video clip in a crowded hotel ballroom on Friday.

“No!” said the men gathered for the 19th annual At-Home Dads Convention in Denver. The event, which continues through Saturday at the Marriott SpringHill Suites, drew 105 attendees for its 2014 gathering — up from 73 at last year’s event, which was also held in Denver.

Many of these men say they have been mocked, shut out of mommy groups or given the stink eye at playgrounds. But their biggest challenge is the isolation they feel as full-time parents without a mainstream support network.

“We’re tired of the backhanded comments and questioning of our masculinity,” said Hogan Hilling, a California father of three. “But we’re standing up now and the culture is finally starting to change.”

Pew Research Group estimates about 2 million American dads to be primary caregivers for their children, compared with more than 10 million stay-at-home moms.

The At-Home Dads Network pegs their numbers a bit lower (1.75 million) but also quibbles with the definition that organizations and others use to define them.

“As a guy, if you have a part-time job or work any amount of hours per week, you can’t be considered a primary caregiver,” said Chris Routly, a 38-year-old Portland, Ore,. father of two and founder of the Daddy Doctrines blog. “That’s not the case for women.”

“According to the census, we’re ‘alternate child care,’ ” said Ron Farrell, a 41-year-old father of three. “But people are becoming more accepting, whether it’s because of the CLICK TO KEEP READING

Dear Mama Drama:

Hope it’s okay I’m a dad.

My wife and I have a 4 year old in preschool and have recently been struggling with whom our little guy is friends. There is one particular boy at school that we feel is a bad influence from whom our son seems to be picking up bad habits. Should we let his teacher know and perhaps ask them to not allow them to spend so much time together throughout the day?

(photo credit)

We even have the kid’s mother now asking for play dates and we’re not sure if we should encourage our son to hang out with this other little boy. Are we being too protective and controlling?  What would your advice be for encouraging our son to hang out with nicer, more well-behaved kids?

Thanks ~ Flustered Father

Dear Flustered:

Thanks for your email, so glad to have a dad join the conversation. You are in a tricky, although fairly common, situation. It can be challenging to find that balance between protecting our little ones and allowing them to explore friendship choices.

If there is behavior coming home from preschool that you are uncomfortable with, it is important to speak with your son’s teacher so she can address the behavior as it occurs at school. I suggest doing this without naming the child from whom you think the behaviors originate.  Ask her to keep an eye out for these “bad habits” and encourage more appropriate behaviors from your son. She can take the lead in addressing the behaviors with other children.

Regarding play dates, you certainly have the right as parents to choose with whom your preschooler plays outside of school. Here are a few options for how to handle the invitations. You can avoid the play dates with scheduling issues; be direct and talk with the mother about the concerning behaviors both boys have been engaging in and work on them together; or invite them to play at your house where you can supervise their interactions and set limits in regards to behavior that is allowed at your house.

In the meantime be clear and consistent with your son about how you expect him to behavior. Notice and praise the positive choices you want to encourage and see more of, even using stamps or stickers if you feel he needs more concrete recognition to shift his behavior. You can also bring his attention to how he feels when other treat him politely and how they respond when he is kind as well.

Use planned attention with regards to the unwanted behavior as long as it is not dangerous. When he engages in the bad habits, ignore and do not give him attention – positive or negative. As soon as he changes to acceptable behavior, give him lots of positive attention and eye contact acknowledging the positive choices as stated above. If the behavior is dangerous or you just can’t ignore it, redirect him to a different activity or behavior instead of commenting on the negative behavior. If you must comment, using “uh-oh” as a reminder rather than lecturing decreasing the attention your are giving to the negative behaviors.

Reading books can also be helpful in teaching and reinforcing good social skills as well as directing him toward friends who treat him well. Some good options for preschoolers are How to be a Friend by Laurie Krasny Brown and Marc Brown, Do Unto Otters: A Book About Manners by Laurie Keller, and Billy Bully by Ana Galan. The Franklin the Turtle series as well as the Arthur books are also good resources.

How do you handle bad habits your children’s playmates share?

Motherhood is an amazing journey that can have its share of Mama Drama. The Mama Drama column runs on Fridays with everyday mothering questions from readers and answers providing strategies to tackle these daily challenges. 

This week at Mile High Mamas, we’re honoring the dads in our lives so be sure to tune in all week long for humorous and touching blog posts. Also learn about a Denver dad who has taken fun to a new level: he has written a book about Denver’s top playgrounds (and yes, he’ll be sharing his favorites). Here are five events Dad will love for Father’s Day:

Father’s Day Falconfest. June 21, 9-11 a.m. Treat your dad, pop, father, or papa to a one-of-a-kind experience the whole family will enjoy. Enjoy a savory breakfast burrito provided by Mi Cocina Mexican Restaurant and delicious bagels by Einstein Bros. Bagels. Get up close and personal with live raptors presented by Hawkquest at our outdoor Audubon Nature Center amphitheater. Enter to win prizes from Lone Tree Brewing Company and Cabela’s, as well as unique raptor merchandise. Raptor hikes will leave from the amphitheater at the conclusion of the raptor program or event attendees will be able to view the “Colorado Wild” art show happening in the Audubon Nature Center. Registration Required by calling the Audubon Society of Greater Denver at 303-973-9530 or emailing info@denveraudubon.org. 

Father’s Day Toy Takeover. June 21, 11:30 a.m.-noon. Join the History Colorado Center for a special Father’s Day Toys Take Over. They’ll set up wooden train sets on the map of Colorado in the atrium and cover the state in their creations. Then, give Dad a blast from his past with the museum’s new exhibit: Toys of the ’50s, ’60’s and ’70s.  Gumby. Barbie. Slinky. Mr. Potato Head. Wham-O. Spirograph. Hot Wheels. The names of these popular toys capture the craziness, the joy, the sheer fun of being a kid. But beneath those nutty names are rich veins of nostalgia, memory and history. The stories of the kids who played with these toys, the adults who bought them, the child-rearing experts who judged them and the people who invented them reflect the rhythms of American life.

Greek Festival. June 19-21. OPA! Eat, drink and dance like a Greek at the 2015 Greek festival on the grounds of the Assumption Greek Orthodox Cathedral (the big gold dome). Whether you are nine or 99, there is something fun to do at the Greek festival. For the younger kids, there are fair rides, games and toys. In the past festivals, younger children have also enjoyed dancing on the stage with the live musicians. For the adults, there is shopping to be done, food to be sampled and traditional music and dancing to enjoy. 

Dinosaur Train. June 19-21. All Aboard! Families and children are sure to enjoy an adventure-filled trolley ride, music, games, stories, and the Nature Trackers Club activities area at Dinosaur Ridge. Plus, an opportunity to meet their favorite T. rex, Buddy. Tickets are $26/person 2 and older. Discounts available for members.

Colorado BBQ Challenge. June 18-20. Does Dad love BBQ? Then Frisco, Colo. is the place to be! The event kicks off on Thursday, June 18, with an evening of live music.  Approximately 70 BBQers will compete for a variety of awards in a wide variety of categories including pork, ribs, chicken, brisket, anything goes, barbecue sauce, side dish, salsa and dessert. Guaranteed, you won’t go away hungry and there’s plenty of family-friendly entertainment including pig races, live music and more!

Father’s Day 5K and Car Show. June 21, 8 a.m.-3 p.m. Arvada’s Apex Center hosts this family event that includes music, family activities and refreshments. Register for the 5K at 3wraces.com and for the car show at foundation.apexprd.org. 

Outhouse Races. Celebrate Breckenridge’s Kingdom Days (June 19-21) in the most original way possible:  Outhouse Races celebrate Breckenridge’s mining history during Kingdom Days. With names such as Potty Mouth and Jamaican Me Poop, costumed teams of five (one person must ride in the outhouse) pull decorated outhouses through the streets of historic. It’s a nod to the community’s mining past and part of Kingdom Days, the annual heritage celebration. Also that weekend, modern-day miners show their skills for cash and bragging rights during the Colorado Gold Panning Championships. 

Juneteeth Music Festival.  June 19-20. Commemorated in cities across the nation and around the world, Juneteenth is a cultural event celebrated by diverse people of all colors, backgrounds, and nationalities…joining hands to mark the ending of slavery and the beginning of African American independence in the United States. Denver’s Juneteenth Music Festival is one of the nation’s largest celebrations, drawing in record numbers of festival-goers and participation. The two-day event features live performances, art and cultural exhibitions, and food and commercial vendors; with partners and sponsors ranging from community support networks and organizations, to local and international companies.

Bear Grylls Survival Academy

Colorado Rockies Game to Benefit the United Way. Make a double play this Father’s Day! Watch the Colorado Rockies take on the Milwaukee Brewers on Father’s Day weekend – and help support United Way. This annual event brings together family, friends and supporters of the entire Colorado United Way network to sit together in the LIVE UNITED section while cheering on the home team. Everyone is welcome, so put on a baseball hat and bring Dad, the family and friends down to enjoy some fun entertainment and a beautiful day at the ballpark.

Bear Grylls Survival Academy. June 17-18. Is Dad a survivor? Find out at Snow Mountain Ranch’s Bear Grylls Survival Academy and offer 24 hour survival courses for adults and families. With ‘The Island’ TV show currently airing, Bear Grylls sets the trends for the ultimate in outdoor survival.  Snow Mountain Ranch is the only Colorado location hosting courses this summer and fall.  The 24 hour family courses are for kids 10-17.

VegFest Colorado.  June 20-21. Is Dad a health nut? This family-friendly event offers two days of activities including speakers, cooking demonstrations by nationally acclaimed chefs and cookbook authors, food sampling, exhibitors, food trucks, movies, activities for children and more. 

You remember the first time a baby photo from your good friends popped up on Facebook. Wow. They made the leap. They had become grown-ups. Good for them, but definitely not something for you and the wife.

Of course after a while, it became a regular occurrence. Every other post was a new little alien or tiny old man posing as a baby. “What was the big deal anyway?” you wondered. So what if little Noah ate a full meal and had a bowel movement? You did those things every day! No need to let the world know.

After a while, more and more of your couples friends started talking about baby topics when you got together. Sophia can sit up on her own now. (yawn) Emma can eat pears and bananas with her own hands! (amazing) Liam won’t stop pulling on his privates! He’s gonna rip them off! (WTF?)

Of course, once the conversation turned to baby gear you really tuned out. The ErgoBaby Four Position 360 didn’t put as much pressure on precious Mason’s tooshie as the Baby Bjorn One. (well thank God for that) The Baby Jogger Summit has better suspension and handling than the BOB. (does this thing come in candy apple red?) The Simple Wishes Hands-Free Pumping Bra is really a little miracle in the form of two D-cups. (WOAH NELLIE – TMI)

 It was at about that time that you were really feeling done with the whole baby thing. Enough already! What happened to hanging with the guys, watching the latest Game of Thrones episodes together and talking about last week’s game? All your friends seemed to be lost in babyland. Of course, that’s when it happened. That’s when she came home from work that Tuesday and said the unthinkable: “great news honey – you’re going to be a dad.”

In that moment you didn’t know what you felt. Confused. Scared maybe. Suddenly overwhelmed and feeling the urge to buy every baby book known to man because you only had nine months to become a parent. But then you saw just about the biggest smile you’d ever seen gracing your wife’s sweet face and something changed inside you. And you knew it would be alright.

 In the next few months you didn’t think about it much. You went to work and out to eat and life went on. You went to the first doctor’s appointment with your wife because you said you would and it was on your calendar. The appointment was pretty boring really and just about over when she pulled out a little machine and started rubbing it across your wife’s belly. “Hear that. That’s the heart.” It sounded like a cross between an oscillating fan and a dishwasher – woosh, woosh, woosh. You jumped out of your seat. There was a heartbeat. There was actually a little living creature inside there. This wasn’t just theoretical anymore. This was happening. And it made you excited.

 That visit put you in research mode. It was time to figure out just what the heck a Maxi Cosi Mico was and why European crash testing was important. You visited baby stores and online forums and learned what a DS, DD and SAHM was, among other acronyms. You felt proud when you and your wife found the perfect glider and even a little excited when you pictured yourself rocking your LO while humming a little tune – something manly, of course.

 Then the big day came. Everything had been leading up to it. You watched as your wife transformed from the woman you had always known into a bona fide super hero, right before your eyes. You witnessed her endure more pain than you thought possible and come out stronger on the other side. And then they did the unimaginable; they placed a brand new, tiny human in your arms. You were amazed at how complete and perfect and wonderful this new little being was. And you felt something you had never felt before: a little bit of awe, mixed with a dash of tenderness and a whole lot of love.

In the following weeks, you learned some things. You discovered just how good your wife was at being mom, how natural it came to her and how happy it made her. You found out that you actually could change a diaper and that it wasn’t quite as horrible as you thought it would be. You learned that it was actually kind of fun, getting to take care of someone so completely. In fact, somewhere amidst the endless feedings and changings, you realized that this new little person needed you; like really needed you. More than anyone had ever needed you before. And it felt good to be needed like that.

Then one day, your perfect, tiny human stared right into your eyes and decided to smile for the first time. In that moment, your heart melted fully and your transformation was complete. You picked up your phone, snapped a pic and said “ah, what the hell” to yourself as you uploaded it and clicked on post.

 —

Ethan Ruzzano writes for The Dad Dynamic, a community for modern dads. He lives happily in babyland (Stapleton, Denver) with his wife, Casie and daughter, Olivia.

Calling all dads: do you remember that first moment you found out you were going to become a father?

Dove’s Men+Care campaign recently released a sentimental commercial to celebrate this Sunday’s Father’s Day holiday. The clip shows real-life footage of men finding out they are going to be dads and their honest and touched reactions are priceless.

Watch the video to see how care makes dad stronger. Then, share your advice with the #RealStrength.

Love is patient, love is kind.
It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
It is not rude, it is not self-seeking,
it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
And now faith, hope, and love abide, but the greatest of these is love.

What a load of crap.

Love is cleaning up the chunks. Note: My daughters Lilly and Lulu contributed to this axiom in the last few weeks with their pukefest.

Love is finding someone to tolerate and be tolerated by, day after day, week after week, year after year.

Love is never having to say, “I’m sorry for checking out that chick (or dude).”

Love is managing expectations.

Love is letting your daughter use your favorite sweatshirt as a diaper because you’re stuck on the highway in a snowstorm on the way home from a weekend in the mountains and you ran out of pull ups and she has diarrhea.

Love is sometimes best left up to personal interpretation.

Love is challenging.

Love means spraying in the bathroom even though you’re really proud of your work.

Love done right involves more giving than taking, unless you’re home alone.

Love cures ennui, but it can’t cure diaper rash.

Love is blind, especially at last call.

Love is tearing up at your daughter’s ballet recital.

Love is tearing up when your daughter pile drives a knee to your stones when you are trying to put on Curious George for her.

Love is remembering not to be a selfish prick even when you really feel like being one.

Love is lying to your mom about going to church, just to make her feel good.

Love is asking your wife if she’s dropped a couple of pounds during “fudge season.”

Love is letting your wife sleep in on Saturday morning AND Sunday morning.

Love is not expecting any reciprocation from the last one.

Love means Tivo-ing the game and watching it when everyone goes to bed.

Love means watching Grey’s Anatomy with your wife once in while to show her you can pretend a little bit that you find her taste in TV shows even remotely interesting.

Love is a lot of freaking work.

Love has its rewards, but sometimes you have to look real hard to find them and it’s always worth it.

Love is simultaneously over-hyped and underrated.

Love is better than a sharp stick in the eye.

Love is Evol spelled backwards.

What is love to you?

-Mitch McDad

To all the dads in our lives:

One father is more than a hundred schoolmasters.

-George Herbert

In case you missed our Father’s Day features this week:

• Top 11 Father’s Day Events in Denver
• Becoming Dad
• 5 Amazing Denver Playgrounds You Didn’t Know About (shared by a Denver dad)
• Love Means Cleaning up the Chunks

Happy Father’s Day!

What could be funnier than having four young daughters?

Apparently not a lot as Exploding Unicorn — aka James Breakwell — has parlayed his hilarious daughters’ comebacks into a sizable Twitter following. Check out some of his latest tweets.

featu

We’ve allllllll been there.

In a video labeled on YouTube as the “Most Patient Dad Ever,” we see in 19 seconds what every parent goes through during the daily grind called parenthood. I mean, you can only hear the same question (“why?”) so many times before you want to scream.

P.S. He is frosting a cake. In case you didn’t get that the first 10 times.

Tough week. Charlie’s mum’s maternity leave ended so “the person in our house who prevents fires etc. returned to work,” shares hilarious dad Matt Coyne on the Man vs Baby Facebook page.

And what better way to comfort mum during this difficult time than by Photoshopping pictures of their son in less-than-appropriate locations and texting them to his wife?

The post quickly wracked up thousands of likes and shares since being published to Facebook last week. 

Join us in welcoming guest dad blogger, Dan Ogilvy.

I have worked with kids in some capacity since I was 16 years old.  I could connect with children in the classroom, on the field, and in the gym.  But there I was trying to wash him in the bathtub, an arms length away from our blue-eyed little boy feeling a million miles apart. 

I didn’t know what to do.  And it hurt.

It was the first time, and probably the last, that I had raised my voice and shown the most negative of emotions to this little red headed “mini-me.”  I couldn’t comfort him.  I couldn’t calm him.  I couldn’t ease that inner feeling of upset that he obviously had.  And to make it worse, we were 500 miles from home.

I didn’t know what to do.  And it hurt.  And I think I scared him.

I am sure the whole street may have heard us.  By the time Emily came rushing in, she could tell how upset I was at myself and at the situation.  Why was he so upset over a simple bedtime routine? Why was he feeling this way?  What could I do better to help him from responding this way to us?  I desired the opportunity to wrap my arms around him and tell him it would be OK and we loved him.  I wanted to wash away his upset and let it drip down the drain.  But I couldn’t.

Some of the answers to these questions we have discovered.  Some we feel we have a grasp on one day, and then lose the next.  Still others sometimes feel like an incredible master lock that we wonder if we will ever crack the code.  I realize these experiences have made Emily and I better parents, better teachers, and better people.  Thankfully, I have a thoughtful, empathetic, and inquisitive teammate like Emily that supports all of us in becoming better.

All I know is this.  I love this little boy.  He is my super hero.  He has made me a better person each and every day I have been around him.  Despite the meltdowns, the days we feel we are speaking different languages, or the times he lashes out, I would choose him in 100 lifetimes, in 100 worlds, in any version of reality, I’d find him and choose him.

Without a doubt.

If you have ever felt this way with your child, I hope you join us on our journey.  Feeling on an island can sometimes be a recurring emotion that you may have as a parent when your child has these moments.  When you can’t figure it out.  When talking makes it worse.  When you think a hug may make it better, but it over stimulates your child even more.

Trust me, we get it.  We have been there.  Let’s travel together on this voyage.  For our kids…and our grandkids…and our great grandkids. 

Our goal is to encourage, enlighten, and educate about sensory processing through family based integrated activities.  Our goal was to give our son every possible tool in his toolkit that would help him navigate through the wide ranging life experiences that he may come across.

We all have our tough days, but we can band together to form a tribe with the same mission.  The idea behind Courage to Connect CLE (www.couragetoconnectcle.org) was born in the summer of 2015 while on the journey of having a child with a sensory processing difference.  As early childhood educators and coaches, Dan and Emily Ogilvy wanted to bring together a supportive community for families who have children experiencing our world through sensory processing differences.  As a social impact organization, the vision of Courage to Connect CLE is to encourage, enlighten and educate about sensory processing through family based integrated activities.  Please join us Superhero team at www.facebook.com/couragetoconnectcle or www.twitter.com/couragecle.

There’s no better way to celebrate Father’s Day than by filling Dad with tasty goodness–from a stuffed burger bar to a crab bake feast to beer-battered onion rings. 

1. What breakfast food is better than pancakes? BACON! What’s better than bacon? Bacon filled pancakes of course!

2. Does anyone else love the wonderful and flavorful roasted turkey legs at area festivals? This grand meaty treat treat is perfect for any dad; get the recipe here: Kevin’s Almost Famous Grilled Turkey Leg Recipe.

3. If Dad loves a great burger, look no further than this Jameson Whiskey Blue Cheese Burger with Guinness Cheese Sauce Crispy Onion

4. Stuffed Burger Bar. Last month, we partnered with Sprouts Farmers Market to pull together the ultimate stuffed burger bar that will change your life. 

5.  Hot buttered lobster rolls are really the way to go when choosing a lobster delivery method. Find the recipe at Hot Lobster Roll.

6. Since Father’s Day is just before the official start of summer, take it back to the basics this year and celebrate Dad with a good, old fashioned crab feast.

7. Two words: onion rings. These beer-battered onion rings with buttermilk ranch dressing will make dear ‘ol Dad wish every day was Father’s Day.

Chris grew up in Vienna, Austria, and came to California 23 years ago for graduate school. After spending a decade in San Diego, he had the good sense to move to beautiful Colorado to enjoy the mountains and the great weather. He met his wife in California while he was working on his PhD in neuroscience. They have lived in the Denver area since 2004 and have two kids. Chris runs a consulting as well as a computer business, and writes books and apps on the side. His favorite activities include trail running, telemark skiing, hiking, and growing his own vegetables and fruits.

We sat down with this fun-loving Denver dad who knows a thing or two about playing in the Mile High City. 

Dear Mama Drama:

I am so tired of nagging my kids to do what they’re already supposed to do. How can I motivate them without constantly nagging? Sticker rewards worked when they were younger but now that they’re getting older, nothing is working.

~Nagged Out

Dear Nagged Out:

When our children are younger we provide lots of structure and supervision for their daily routines. As they get older and develop more independent skills, we tend to relax these and are often surprised to find ourselves nagging constantly.

Nagging tends to undermine all that independence we worked so hard for our children to gain. It tells them we don’t really think they can do it and removes any motivation to remember on their own since they know we’ll remind them anyway. It also creates barriers in our relationships at a time when we really want to be enjoying our kids.

1. We can offer structure for our older children and instill confidence in them by providing clear expectations, consequences, and rewards.

2. Make a checklist of tasks you expect your children to do that you’d like to stop nagging them about. Discuss this with them, clarifying what you mean by each task (clean your room to you may be much different than to your children), and negotiate time frames in which they need to be completed. The key word here is negotiate. Be flexible about when you’d like things done (right now!) and what may be a reasonable compromise.

3. There should also be negotiated consequences for not completing their tasks. For example if the checklist isn’t completed on time, they don’t get their daily computer time. However, they still need to complete their tasks for the day.

An easy way to keep track of what has been done is to post the tasks on a white board and have your children check the task off when it is completed. A little quality control option is to require a second check by you or another adult at home to verify it was done. This also gives you the opportunity to recognize their effort ~ make sure you don’t expect perfection. You can fade to intermittent checking after it’s clear that everyone understands the expectations, but keep up the positive recognition.

4. Set a goal for completing the checklist with a limited amount of reminders.  (Be reasonable, if you are asking them five times for each task now, expecting no reminders wouldn’t be fair. Over time you can reduce the number of reminders allowed. ) Have them earn a point for each task completed within the guidelines. You can have each child earn their own points as well as having them work together to earn points for a larger reward. (Be creative here by making a game board or using a sports metaphor to document the points they’ve earned.) You can also give bonus points for tasks done early, without fussing, and with no reminders.

5. The next step is motivation. Even though your kids may not want stickers anymore, there are many other things they’ll be willing to work for such as computer or video game time, staying up late on the weekend, family movie night where they pick the movie, their favorite dinner, a special dessert, an itunes card, spending money, etc.

6. Have a discussion and set goals for what they want to earn, I’m sure they’ll think of more things than I can. Make sure most of what they work for doesn’t cost anything and work to have some things that involve the whole family. You can split things into daily rewards and rewards they can earn over time. Put all the ideas in a bag or box and when they reach their goal for points earned, they can pull one out and that’s the reward.

7. The key to making any of this work is self-discipline, for you. You have to resist the urge to nag, follow through with consequences and rewards, and recognize their efforts every step of the way.  You also have to work on not getting angry if they don’t meet their goal or finish their tasks.

Be gentle with yourself and your kids, you’ll all make mistakes, as you work together to build trust and create a more harmonious home life.

-Lisa Vratny-Smith 

Don’t we all need someone who believes in us and reminds us just how special we are? (Especially on Mondays).

We’re pretty sure you’re going to love this video of this father having his daughter recite positive affirmations before she starts her school day.

Are you tired of your kids fighting in the backseat?

Multiply that times three. Jack White was fed up with his triplet’s constant bickering in their car seats so he went to extreme measures to keep the peace: he put some walls between them. 

Kudos to this dad for finding a workable solution to what is clearly an ongoing problem for many of us.